First, I want to clarify that truth. To be a work of Sodom is a choice, homosexuality is natural. God created me with my gay identity wonderfully and marvellously. The greatest message of the Gospel is love. God loves me just as he loved the world through His Son, Jesus Christ. Glory be to His name.
There is no request we submitted or standard we have provided, but it is right to love the identity God has loved without reason. If a person considers themselves to belong to God, to be with God, then they should love their neighbor as they love themselves, without any condition. That is what the bible teaches.
After a lifetime of wrestling with understanding my queer identity, it took me about six months to process it. I see these six months as a period of transition. I take this time as the moment I came into the light, the time I was revealed to myself. The reason is that after accepting and knowing myself, I can testify that the life I have been living is filled with much more light than before.
August 29, 2021, after I entered my forties, was the day I received myself amidst much upheaval and struggle. That day, after deep reflection, I decided: “No more fighting!” The Lord, who led me to make peace with His Son Jesus, also helped me make peace with myself.
My nature, my beauty, is a marvelous work and wisdom of God, not, as people say, a sin copied from foreigners or an evil spirit.
Since coming to this understanding, over the past four years, all the friendships I have made, the mistakes I have committed, the rights I have taken, and all the experiences I have gained have become blessings. They are nurturing me and helping me grow each day. I came to understand this first through the path of struggle I took.
I tried, my struggles, the path I have walked, my relentless prayers, and all the attempts I made to find solutions, both inside the country and beyond. All of this, at last, led me to reflect: “Perhaps God has answered many of my prayers and brought many good things into my life. Could this be right? Could this be my nature? Have I been praying for the wrong thing?”
I had no say in who I was born to be. How can I be told I am wrong for how I was born? Contrary to what people say, there was no trauma in my childhood, nor any psychological impact. I was raised by a kind family and a strong church community. Within the society I lived in, no one harmed or abandoned me as a child. We all lived joyfully, playing and laughing, without anyone interfering in each other’s affairs. From this understanding, I began to ask myself questions.
Perhaps by accepting myself, would I offend God? The Apostle Paul expressed a similar concern in one passage: “Therefore, if meat that I eat causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, in order to keep my brother from stumbling.” Eating meat itself is not a sin; rather, the concern is to avoid causing another to stumble. Likewise, I feared that accepting myself might cause others to stumble. But, I decided that avoiding causing others to stumble does not mean I cannot accept myself. I can embrace who I am, even if I choose not to share it with others. Considering the circumstances I am in and the responsibilities I hold, I knew there would be much I could lose if I openly shared the truth.
If the people around me knew about me, it wouldn’t only be me who would lose, it would be them as well. I did not want to lose the respect and trust I had earned among others, so even though I accepted myself, I realised that coming out was not an option for me.
My nature is not something I am ashamed of. As I read the Bible, especially in Romans chapters 1 through 28, there is this verse that is often used by many people to condemn same-sex lovers. The verse says, “Men and women, do not do what is unbecoming to your nature.” This verse became a key insight for me in accepting myself. After reading it, I began reflecting even more deeply.
What is my nature? Am I seeking something that is unbecoming of it? Am I hoping for something that contradicts it? In truth, I am not doing anything against my nature, I am wishing for what aligns with it. What would really go against my nature is pursuing women in romantic relationships. To begin an unsustainable relationship with a woman merely to gain acceptance from others, and in doing so ruin her life and marriage, would be the greatest sin.
I should not be a source of pain in any woman’s life. My nature is to love a man who is like me, to share a life filled with love with someone I care about. This verse, the word of God, proved true; it clarified my thoughts, helped me understand myself, and allowed me to accept who I am.
I spend most of my time serving in the church. I am happy in this service; many people benefit and are blessed, and I also share in that joy. Accepting myself is a blessing God gave me precisely because my same-sex attraction is part of my nature. The suffering people experience in the church due to these feelings is not only from words but also from actions.
I sometimes wonder if God placed me where I am for their sake. Just as Joseph was taken to Egypt for a purpose, perhaps I was prepared to be a source of peace for these people. When people are pushed away from God’s house, what they face in the outside world can be harsh. Without understanding themselves, they may believe they will find acceptance in a society outside the church, one that is, as we know, ungodly. This often costs them a lot, they grow angry with God, bitter toward others, and sometimes find themselves doing desperate things just to hold on to the acceptance they’ve found, paying for it with their health, even their lives.
If only they had one person who had walked their path, their struggle might be lighter. They would not spend their lives simply trying to accept themselves.
Being homosexual does not mean engaging in promiscuity, casual sex, disrespect, or moral corruption. It simply means that, as someone attracted to the same sex, I feel romantic or sexual affection toward someone of the same sex. That is all.
Just as a Shibeshi can love a Shibre, it means a Girma who loves another Girma. Where is the problem in that?
It is possible to hold such feelings while walking with God, praying, reading His Word, and serving faithfully. It is to create a comfortable environment for that person. Of course, in Ethiopia, especially within the church, this can be extremely difficult. Still, in the place where I am, I believe I can be a source of healing, for at least one person by remaining steadfast in my service and my faith.
As I mentioned earlier, my place in the church is a calling for me. The reason is that the people within it include newcomers, children, adolescents, married couples, and the elderly. Just as every generation brings forth people who are short, fat, or tall, so too will homosexuals continue to be born. Just like anyone who finds their way to God’s kingdom, they too can come to Him. But when they do, they need a safe place. I believe it is my responsibility to help prepare that place.
If I cannot help them understand themselves and their sexuality, the media will, and the media often portrays us in distorted and harmful ways. It is better to create a safe space now than to grieve and stress later over the loss of those children.
I pray, I read God’s Word, I love gospel music, and together with my brothers and sisters in Christ we study the Bible. We have small groups where we do this, we gather and worship together. If someone who thought like me had met me when I was young, so much could have turned out differently. I remember the times I tried to take my own life, the things I had given up on. In our church, there was a pastor who often preached about people like me; his repeated teachings were extremely distressing.
The words that come from such pastors are disturbing. Everything that came from their voices felt like fire from the sky, ready to fall on me and punish me as I walked. Imagine how many have turned away from the church in fear of these harsh teachings. I believe that if someone had said to me, “I am here for you,” things would have been much better.
On the other hand, I believe it may have been God’s will that I walked that path. Because of my impulsive nature, if I had been given complete freedom at that age, I might have fallen into unnecessary habits and still not have found myself today. I believe that, in His grace, God turned to good the days I locked myself in a room to cry and the moments I wanted to die.
I believe it happened on purpose, for two reasons. The first is for me not to look back. Regarding my sexuality, when people say its wrong, my answer isn’t based on acquired information, it is an experiment I have drawn from my own life. It comes from the path I took, the roads I walked. I tested my life, not as though it were a poison that kills rats, but by tasting it myself.
The second reason is that this allows me to support and nurture others. I can tell them, ‘I used to stand in your shoes, and this is how I walked the path.’
I have always believed that even our apparent weaknesses can be used by God for good. The experiences we have gone through can now serve as lessons for children, and when I see others learning or healing from it, it brings me joy. I am grateful that the path I took has allowed me to help many people, I do not count it as loss.
Now, I am very happy, extremely happy. I am free, and I can walk with my head held high. I am proud, happy, smiley, joyful, born again, loved, and a gay Christian. What the homophobes don’t understand is that if God has justified us through his Son, Jesus Christ, who is to condemn us?
I recall that, when I reached marriageable age, my soul was attracted to men, yet my mind and mouth imagined and talked about a beautiful woman. It was because God cared for me and my sisters that the relationships I formed did not work out. This, in turn, helped me get a break. For example, people often say, ‘Because he broke up with her, he doesn’t want to be with another woman, his heart is broken.’
I have made it clear to family, church members, and coworkers that I do not wish to discuss this issue with them, using different approaches. With some, I am polite; with others, I tell them directly that they are crossing my boundaries; and with the rest, I handle it jokingly or by creating distance. For those closest to me, I share that I am happy and grateful for where I am now, and that I do not want to get married.
In particular, my current situation and family responsibilities have made me trustworthy among those who know me closely. My personality, like that of many gay people, is attentive and caring in social interactions. I imagine that if every straight woman had a gay best friend, her life might be better, though in our country, this is nearly impossible. My soft personality has caused many women to fall in love with me, and people in my church often try to set me up with their single friends and even ask me out. (Only God knows why the men haven’t noticed me.)
For those who ask me directly or indirectly, I politely and respectfully tell them that I am not planning to get married. I thank them for choosing me, wish them all the best and send them their way. In the small church where I am, no-one goes unnoticed. My shoe size, my food preferences, where I get my hair cut are all known. Living as a ‘zega’ (homosexual) in that environment can feel stifling. After a long journey of self-acceptance alone, I turned to social media to connect with other same-sex lovers. Struggling myself, I opened the account in the hope of ‘healing’ together with others who are also struggling.
That is how I met Naod. We connected while commenting on a mutual friend’s post and then started talking, eventually becoming friends. Since we both serve in our local churches, it wasn’t difficult to get along. From there, we prayed together, encouraged each other, and discussed dating women and other life matters.
In the middle of this, Naod entered a relationship, and we stopped talking for a while. Now they have become a couple blessed by God. Back then, I wanted them to separate because I felt he was stepping away from our shared struggles. Today, however, they have a life I wish for myself and others.
For me, they are a refuge, a place where I can be myself freely, where my tears and laughter flow without restraint. We have built a deep brotherly and familial love, which has allowed my mind to be at peace and has enabled me to live proudly as who I am, even if in hiding. This relationship has also allowed me to play a meaningful role in my life and in the lives of others.
Now, with the question, “After I have accepted myself, what can I give to my community?” in my mind, I am trying to respond by sharing the insights I have gained from my own experience and from others through short writings. I write these to support those who cannot accept themselves, those who think that because they curse themselves, they are on God’s side. I want to remind them that what God loves is for us to love ourselves, not to despise ourselves.
The Bible says, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” right? The measure of love for others begins with the love we have for ourselves. Give yourself the rightful place you deserve; God loves you. Love yourself too, I write. If anything, what social media has given me is the opportunity to meet, through a non-formal setting, young people I mentor, with whom I have a father–child-like relationship.
Mesmerized by the writings on my Facebook page about spiritual reflections and homosexuality, many of the readers have now become close friends. Currently, I see myself as an activist who guides young people and peers toward healthy, lasting one-on-one relationships focused on love, while working for the freedom of our society.
At one point, I had the chance to connect with many queer young people who were going through different life journeys. I cried a lot, some tears of joy, from discovering myself through others, and some from wishing that, had someone like me existed in my life at that age; the feeling I discussed earlier. For this generation and all the youth, I have met, I felt deeply happy.
Through all this, I thank God for not encountering anything harmful on social media. That does not mean everything is peaceful. When I see my friends hurt, I hurt too. As much as possible, I use strong passwords for my social media and phone, avoid rushing into relationships, and manage how I interact with others, some only online, some over the phone, some in person, and very few have even come close to my family. Because all of us, even if pushed away due to our sexuality, are different people, we don’t always know which relationships can be toxic. Being careful is essential.
My experience with dating is very limited. When I started using dating apps, I thought that as someone who wants a lifelong relationship, I would find someone and be done with it. I had the chance to talk to a few people. I met only one of them in person, but we didn’t have the alignment for it to continue. I haven’t stopped looking. A dating app isn’t the only way to find a marriage partner; I am praying for God’s help, and I feel I will succeed.
One day, I will have a strong and loving marriage between two men, one-on-one, with shared goals and values. A marriage that plays its part for us as a couple and for the freedom and safety of our society. One that doesn’t forget its social responsibility and becomes an example for the younger ones.
This is not to mean I am expecting something perfect. Rather, I am planting the seeds of a future that shapes identity and character as I move toward what I dream of. What is expected of me is to nurture those small seeds and guide them toward a mature and complete form.
Is there struggle? Certainly. Is there sacrifice to be made? Yes. But I believe that if my hope is rooted in a love worth fighting for, then I will fight for it. I trust that God will bring it to fruition in due time and you are invited to my wedding.
For all this guidance, I thank God repeatedly, in the name of His Son Jesus, for leading me along this path. Over the past years, I have met friends I believe will be lifelong companions, and I thank them from my heart for the positive impact they have had on me, even if naming them is not possible for safety reasons. I pray that God blesses them abundantly.
May faith, hope, and love endure forever.